A simple word. But imbued within it is a load of baggage.
It would take me some time to work through it. Alone. It would lead me to what I hope is the end result. But it may also potentially lead me elsewhere. For now, let’s just focus on shedding the unhappiness.
For whatever the future may hold… I will be stronger than I am today. That I can be certain.
in a unlikely twist of events, i’ve landed myself in HK for the night.
i met up with my ex colleague / friend at CWB where she took me to Goldfinch. sat in a booth ala In the Mood for Love (but no, nothing romantic going on!), ate a steak and chatted.
and i’ve come to realise that something fundamental has been missing for awhile. that is, having actual conversations on a regular basis – stripped of pretense, stripped of motives and just having genuine, honest conversations.
in a world where we are all focused on getting to where we want to be, sometimes just being here is more important.
Tags: resolutions goals objectives 2010 plans
once again we’ve entered into a new year. it’s 1 January 2010.
it felt kind of strange when people asked me what my resolutions are for 2010. to be honest, I don’t quite believe in resolutions. you see, resolutions are like promises you make – only that they’re to yourself. and as you know, when people make promises to you and don’t keep them, you tend to feel like crap.
so you see, although making resolutions can help maintain focus (for some!), you’re just setting yourself up to feelig like crap if you don’t keep them.
it’s far easier to approach the resolutions thing in the way you set goals and objectives. sure, you say that they sound very much the same. but in fact, they are quite different.
you see, the problem with resolutions is that they are usually high order stuff. you’d say that goals is high order too, but at least there are objectives to help you get there. Resolutions Don’t!!
we usually make resolutions on new year’s eve or in the wee hours of the morning of new year’s day when we’re either
1. out and drunk
2. tired and want to go to bed
3. nursing a hangover
4. recalling the lack of an impressive past year
5. not really aware of what the year ahead will actually be like
so, we don’t exactly know what we’re really setting ourselves up for when we make resolutions. therefore, after many years of setting myself up for disappointment, I decided to stop.
goals and objectives – at least – have the semblence of flexibility that allows you to make changes to your plans along the way.
it’s 2010, what’s your goals and objectives?
if only we had winter in singapore, we would have just the right reasons to buy coats.
It’s been awhile since I’ve scribbled anything here.
Some things have changed whilst some haven’t. Some for the better, some the same-old and some for the worse.
But still I’m thankful for all the things that have happened. Because while some times have been lost, a lot more’s been gained.
another one of those music posts while i’m idling my brain cells away on assignments (bleah!)
the songs that make me feel as much in love with as the first time i heard them…
Kings of Leon – Use Somebody
the title was slightly deceiving and teases you to think about manipulation. BUT it obviously isn’t the case, so listen closely!
John Mayer – Slow Dancing in the Burning Room
Gavin Degraw – Jealous Guy
original’s by John Lennon
John Mayer – Bold as Love
Jimi Hendrix was the original
Gym Class Heroes – Good Vibrations
if you thought the beach boys’ version was good, this is even better, thanks to a slight tweaks they’ve made
Katy Perry – Thinking of You
Alejandro Sanz – Lo Es Lo Mismo
he’s got this haunting quality to his voice, which adds a lot of depth to his songs
Norah Jones – What am I to You?
David Cook – Come back to Me
Alejandro Sanz – Si tu me miras
It’s 10pm and I’m making my way home from school. It has been a good two long weeks. Wait, I stand to correct myself – two months, maybe even longer.
I don’t exactly remember. Sometimes, I forget the dates. It seems like the world is moving extremely quickly – and yet no one bothers to pause to see what is going around them.
Perhaps it’s due to the fact that we have all become too caught up on our daily endeavours to actually ponder about the things that really matter to us.
And what matters to you?
Could it be the wish to have enough money to see your children through whatever education they’d like? Or being able to sit back on your couch to watch the grand prix over the weekend? Be able to relive your desires to be part of a string quartet, or a punk rock band?
I find myself in between dreams at this moment.
Perhaps because my little sporting pursuits since I was a kid never quite materialise into careers. I wanted ot be a pro figure skater given my interest in disney on ice, until i saw a programme at 6 of how an ice skater split his (or was it her?) skull when the partner’s blade cut through it.
The entrepreneurial side of me always wanted to venture out to run a business – any business – but the thought of failure seems to be holding me back. perhaps i’m just a scared cat that way.
My (lack thereof of a) music diploma hardly took off and my wrist remains pretty much injured till today that I wonder if it’s still worth playing on a leisure basis.
I look out the window as the car whizzes past the Sheares Bridge. And I ask myself what matters to me?
Perhaps the reason why I am in between dreams because of my desire to reach my personal goal in life. That despite people’s belief that I could possibly never be good (let alone great) at Client Servicing in advertising, to prove them that I can. And that by the time I am 35, consider (if I find myself in a cushy enough situation) to just spend my time rearing therapy dogs to help kids – the way I’ve always envisioned myself giving back.
Although this dream could potentially make me die poor someday, but at least I’ll be certain that I’ve led a relatively fulfilled life given that I can look back and check off those little boxes of what I would like to accomplish in life beyond the dollars and cents.
So… What really matters to you?
it’s 2am. i’m typing away on my laptop, making what little contribution to the slew of internet scribbles.
i’m experiencing slight problems trying to save my estimate on the server. clicking at the little ‘floppydisk’ icon hoping that the entry will be saved so that i don’t have to re-work at it in the morning.
it’s one of those surreal hours of the night when my mind starts to wonder:
how does it feel if i had a pillow under my head, bed under my body at this time?
can i possibly stomach Mcdonald’s at this hour since nothing else apart from 7-eleven is open?
boy, does john mayer sound good in this album.
how about playing some chris botti – but will i feel too sleepy to work after?
maybe some kings of leon would help.
okay, i’ve decided on john mayer. no Mcdonald’s and i’ll make too with my trusty blue Ikea cushion until i make it back into bed, hopefully by 3am.
the minutes ticking away slowly.
2.15am – the server’s up. back to work.
i’ll save my thoughts for 3am – if i’m still going to be here then.
as i was sitting in the car and all at once amused by the squiggly lines turning up on my camera, i realised that i’ve fallen into a life of routine and perhaps, slight mediocrity.
sure, i have my passions. but i hardly pursue them.
of course, i still read and occasionally write by sneaking copy edits over the work i come in contact with. but i hardly write with the gusto i used to have when i got paid at least $20 to churn out a 200 word article.
i love photography. but nowadays i spend more time being in photos than actually taking them.
and what is the route to happiness one may ask?
“perhaps you could do with more money.” or “you know what you really need… .” or “maybe you just need to find out where your real interests lie.”
i obviously can’t be an ice skater since i can’t skate. no chance being a golfer since i am more accident prone than accident-free. a 1 in millionth chance to become a major photographer or copywriter.
and i realise why i’m happy despite going through a routine cycle. it is because i’m happy with what i do and feel at ease knowing that i can go to bed at night.
as much as it is about the money, in some ways, there is still nothing other than feeling the rush of joy that satisfaction brings. it is the ability to rein in the issues stacked against me and putting a sense of organised chaos to it. it is never about how much i make but how much i can gain (as much as i wished i woke up to realise i made as much as a pop star in a month). and most importantly, realising the littlest things about myself i’ve never thought i had in me.
i’m C and welcome to my world.
in clients services, closet copywriter and passable scamp-artist.