in retrospect

as i was sitting in the car and all at once amused by the squiggly lines turning up on my camera, i realised that i’ve fallen into a life of routine and perhaps, slight mediocrity.

sure, i have my passions. but i hardly pursue them.

of course, i still read and occasionally write by sneaking copy edits over the work i come in contact with. but i hardly write with the gusto i used to have when i got paid at least $20 to churn out a 200 word article.

i love photography. but nowadays i spend more time being in photos than actually taking them.

and what is the route to happiness one may ask?

“perhaps you could do with more money.” or “you know what you really need… .” or “maybe you just need to find out where your real interests lie.”

i obviously can’t be an ice skater since i can’t skate. no chance being a golfer since i am more accident prone than accident-free. a 1 in millionth chance to become a major photographer or copywriter.

and i realise why i’m happy despite going through a routine cycle. it is because i’m happy with what i do and feel at ease knowing that i can go to bed at night.

as much as it is about the money, in some ways, there is still nothing other than feeling the rush of joy that satisfaction brings. it is the ability to rein in the issues stacked against me and putting a sense of organised chaos to it. it is never about how much i make but how much i can gain (as much as i wished i woke up to realise i made as much as a pop star in a month). and most importantly, realising the littlest things about myself i’ve never thought i had in me.

i’m C and welcome to my world.